JEFBOT.329_Faciston April 26, 2011 at 1:15 am
My face sucks at growing hair. There, I’ve said it. I could probably grow a decent mustache in about a month, but hair growing outside my chin and upper lip area is patchy and sporadic, so we’re safe from me ever sporting a full hipster beard. (Which I’d probably do if able because beards are cool. But you rarely see Asians with ’em – even demi-Asians, like myself.) I normally have a goatee (beard on the chin) whenever I’m not auditioning (so that’s much of the time) to spare myself from shaving as often, but I’ve occasionally grown out the full Van Dyke (mustache connected to chin beard) which takes more effort since I have bare patches where my mustache doesn’t quite connect with my goatee, which means I have to encourage a little extra overgrowth on the top half to cover those naked flesh spots up. It’s been years since I’ve actually had that much hair on my face, but I’m working on that kind of thing now, in a noncommittal sort of way. I’m about a week and a half in, though you’d never know it. If this mini chin tribble (ah, if only. Sadly, this one doesn’t multiply as quickly, if at all) lasts beyond this week before getting the (electric) razor, I’ll be as surprised as anyone.
Anyway, enough talk about my face hair; it’s kind of grossing me out.
Wow. Jef has stubble. Cornfather has moar. 😛
Yeah, that was a lame comment. Don’t think I’ve ever had the trouble Cornfather’s had with his facial hair – and it certainly doesn’t grow that quickly 😉
just as with jefbot’s face here, mine will remain stubbly for weeks before it looks like anything resembling something done on purpose, Dean.
and, hey! is this your first Firsting? whether it is or not: congrats! and enjoy these Shades of Firsting which, coincidentally, helps one grow thick, luxurious beards, should one choose to do so. hmm. i probably should have borrowed these before giving them away:
Yep, first firsting – the advantages of following you on twitter and being British 😉 (viperdk1 on twitter :))
I will wear them with pride 😎
Hey Jeff, since we were talking about the 3DS recently, I thought you might find this funny. Just in case you don’t already follow Yahtzee. 🙂
thanks for the link, T! looks like Yahtzee and i are on the same geek wavelength when it comes to feeling guilty about mining kids for their StreetPasses. 😀
Usually I can only go for a month with a beard before the itching drive me nuts and I shave it off.
So maybe you get to win after all, Jefbot.
heheh. well that’s a great way to look at it, Mephron! but since i can’t go full-beard, i guess i’ll never know. judging by your avatar and your comment, it doesn’t look like you’d have any problems going goatee, Van Dyke or full beard (aside from the itching)! i’m jealous.
I agree dude. Though my beard outgrows my tache usually.
Hmm, the only shaving I do is my legs and pits, and I go crazy if I go longer than three days without shaving. Eugh. But that’s the social norm; boys don’t ever “have” to shave if they don’t want to, but girls are dirty hippies if they don’t shave.
and i’m sure all the guys you hang with appreciate you shaving, Tiana! but yeah, it’s such a double standard – us guys don’t have to keep up our appearances nearly as much as you ladies do. i don’t know how you do it – i’m lucky if i put my underwear on before i pull on my pants. 😉
And yet I do less grooming than most ladies I know; my showers are faster than my male roommate’s, and I rarely use makeup when I’m not onstage. I only wash and brush my hair, not arrange it in gravity-defying styles, and jeans and tee-shirts are my preferred garb. I have no idea how the more style-conscious women manage it.
And underwear is optional when I wear skirts. 😉
that’s cool – i find ladies with less makeup way more attractive than the ones that cake it on, Tiana. i just don’t understand the women that think the “evangelist’s wife” look is a good one.
and underwear… optional… wha…? *brain short circuits*
Mission accomplished! *evil grin*
Ya know…this is totally what I see too. I bust my behind to look fabulous, hubby bathes and shaves his head…He looks hunky. WTH?!
Even the “natural makeup” look takes 15 minutes! I also don’t put on a ton of make up for day to day work (I ship boxes everyday….no one cares if my lipstick is smudged) and having long, think, curly hair means I usually have it in a pony tail or a bun to keep it out of my face and off my neck. (FL is HOT!)
Of course, when you’ve been applying make up as long as I have and (As Tiana will attest) when you have to get it on or touch it up quickly for a performance, you get pretty fast at it.
And P.S. high heels were invented by a man! He was king something or other (i just don’t have the strength to look it up) and wanted to make himself seem taller. Hence higher heels on his shoes. Everyone at court copied, he went higher! Finally the fashion fell out of favor with men but women still do it. What is WRONG with us?
We want the attention from the male specimens… And it shapes our butts differently.
Don’t think I’m weird…but I watched this tiny woman wearing these very high platform heels, yesterday…and the way she had to walk in them gave her a wiggle. At that moment, I totally understood why men like women in heels.
It’s funny, I’m a totally wash and go kind of gal when it comes to my hair. But nine times out of ten I can’t leave the house without concealer and blush. I don’t normally do the foundation thing because I’m cursed/blessed with freckles and I feel that I look odd if I cover them. I’ve also started experimenting with bright eyeshadows…and I’m a total sucker for glitter. I know I’m 34 years old, and I’ll probably be one of those old ladies with the jet black hair, bright red lips, and glitter on my face when I’m 80…and I am A-OK with that LOL
aWwww… i love freckles, ESQ! and i’m sure you’ll be one of those cool old ladies with the black hair and red lips, and not one of the keep-out-of-her-yard crazy cat-ladies that inspire fear in the neighborhood.
When I get around to putting make up on, I only do the minimals (my foundation is almost gone and I can’t get anymore of it and it’s the only one that matches my skin tone) and I think I look weird without my freckles too! I’m only 23 but being a mom…. I feel like I’m almost 40! I don’t do crap with my hair anymore either… Just wash and condition and most the time I pop it up in a bun while it’s still wet–yeah, yah, I know it’s bad for your hair; I’m a mom, don’t have time for drying 😛
No kidding! In fact, high heels and such drive me crazy. I much prefer a girl who wears minimal to no make up and jewelry and just keeps herself looking nice to girls who slather themselves and use all the “special stuff” thinking it’ll attract me…
On a similar note, I’m even more annoyed by girls who wear skimpy/revealing clothes. Some girls are beautiful until they mess it up by cutting down on their clothing, and then they look like every other girl out there…
sometimes, during the winter i’ll see teenage girls standing outside in the freezing cold (for SoCal anyway) at the movie theater, trying to impress the guys who are bundled up in sweatshirts and wooly caps, ZAD-Man. total turnoff as it just makes them look like they’re not very smart.
I’m glad that I don’t have to worry about cold weather for a long time. Although, all this $#*@ing rain we’ve been getting on the east coast is not too much better. Finally had some clear blue sky today after it had been pouring for like three hours, so that’s at least a good sign.
i have no idea how you ladies wear high heels, Pixie. when i’m out of my sneakers and wearing even casual-ish dress shoes for work, my feet get grumpy. can’t even imaging cramming my toes into tiny, narrow shoes with hard soles, with my heel elevated and my body weight balanced on a tiny pedestal. my feet would be downright pissed.
Guys don’t “have” to shave, but it is highly advisable if they want kisses from pretty ladies. And, while there isn’t the same general social pressure to be completely shaved, I imagine guys with completely ungroomed facial hair do get some social discrimination for their hobo look. Except maybe in Alaska. But considering that that area of the world also has “hairiest legs” contests, I think the social pressures there are a bit lighter on everyone.
And guys with wives? That is a whole ‘nother kind of social pressure. And thank goodness, because mustaches are icky.
Mmm, not always the case. As long as a guy keeps his facial hair trimmed and groomed, I think some guys look way more attractive with, say, a goatee and mustache. I have a friend who looks like he’s 18 when he shaves (he’s 27), and gets lots of attention from the ladies when he goes out with facial hair.
But maybe I’m biased because I *am* an Alaskan. I do think unshaved legs are gross on girls.
yeah, the “completely ungroomed” hobo look has got to be a turn-off for a lot of people, Anna, but there are undoubtedly some people out there who are attracted to that. seems like the “beard” look is “in” right now though, groomed and ungroomed, especially with the hipster crowd.
What the heck! Is Cornfather displaying another mutant superpower? The ability to grow hair instantly? He ought to donate his cells to bald men everywhere!
Maybe his beard is camera shy and will only grow when the camera isn’t on it.
Corn father has a point…like 5 days after I shave, i’m all scruffy again.
At least your facial hair is a decent color — my brother-in-law is dark-haired and his beard comes in red. Bright, brick red. His stubble is sparkly.
Whereas I’m just the opposite… I’m a redhead, but my facial hair comes in dark brown. (Not that I’ve ever grown a full mustache or beard, but based on the color of my stubble I’m assuming it would be dark brown… I also have dark brown eyebrows…)
I wish i had your reluctant beard growth. Mine grows like weeds after a few rainy days (contrary to my head-hair..).. and it’s white!! I’m not even nearing 50..My dad had a gloriously red beard until his mid-60’s… No.Fair.
Lucky though that beards are making a bit of a come-back after years of scary-slick “boys” defining “male” Well.. Love patch/chin stripe and ‘stache for me..kinda “artisty” in white I guess..
Goooooood MORNING JefBoteers! Sound Off!
Feeling much better this week. Actually got some sleep last night and feel awesome!
Awww…See I have no idea about the lack of hair growth. I’m a full blooded Latin woman. The ladies at the waxing place always yell that I am too hairy! Which makes me think I KNOW this! this is why I am paying you to get rid of it! I can’t help it if you don’t grow hair! I am very much like the CF in today’s strip. Ever vigilant for that stray hair!
*falling though portal loop* Fijiman! *launches self to platform in the distance*
*glances up from the mountain of homework and real work* Tiana…kinda…
hahaha, I know exactly how you feel, being half-Japanese myself.
I’m 34 and I can just NOW grow a goatee that doesn’t EXACTLY look like a highschool kid trying to grow out what he can to look older…it’s pathetic. But then again, not having to shave every day is pretty great too.
Italian genes FTW! As a Gianni descendant, I have to give props to the Cornfather. That said, I usually am not a fan of beards. Especially when physical contact is involved. Thus, I sometimes like them on other people, but seldom on my sweetie. Poor guy. He likes playing with his facial hair and making it do weird things. He had a waxed mustache until recently, when he finally gave in and shaved it off for my brother’s wedding (he was a groomsman).
So is beard growing one of the Chub’s super powers? And that leads me to the question: Have you seen the Anime cartoon Bo bo bo bo, bo bo bo? He has nose hairs of fury. I kid you not. And the martial art he practices is called Snot For You.
I LOVED THAT SHOW! 😀 It was so epically random and was hilarious.(unlike some of the newer show on CN that I could mention which are just randomly stupid) I was so sad when Toonami stopped showing it and I haven’t taken the time to watch it on Youtube or anything. 🙁
You can get the disc from Netflix. That’s what we did. Apparently the translators had to work really hard to get the feel right since it is so full of puns. Puns don’t generally translate well.
%&*#! I don’t know why, but just the idea of using Netflix or Gamefly just irks me to no end. B[
Facial hair is GROSS! I – as a gal – would never HUG or even think of kissing a guy that isn’t CLEAN shaved. THERE, I, THE EVIL EMPRESS OF DOOM, have spoken!
The last pannel is hillarious. Poor Jef. I’m starting to think that he believes Michael has a vendetta against him or something.
Gotta say – in case I haven’t before – that as much as I love the long story arcs, I also ENJOY so much this beautiful one shots. They are just so awesome and funny.
*goes to bed to cuddle with cats of cuteness and doom* (thanks to Insectoid for reminding me what kind of cats I have)
My wife would argue fiercly with you on this point. *stroke my voluminous beard* but, to each their own!
Hurph! I was the the one that asked the question which allowed Insectoid to remind you. B(
You’re welcome! Though I thought that was common knowledge for cat owners. 😉
It IS common knowledge. But since my horrible trip to the hospital my memory seems to be so-so.
Meh (of doom, of course).
SEE!!!! That previous post was MINE and I forgot to fill out my info. My memory SUXS nowadays!!!
LOL! I think my little brother and I had almost the same conversation except I’m Puerto Rican and he’s some kind of UK mix so he’s the one that can’t grow a real beard.
Hi Demonpiggies! Fellow PR here. Welcome to the comments section!
Sonitan is also PR still leaving there.
Thanks for the welcome. I’ve been reading Jefbot for over a year now and this strip hit home for me. With the PR blood I have Italian so it’s like have a Chia Pet all over my head and face.
I hear the Cornfather. I don’t know how but some how I got the “Lose hair on top of head get hair on bottom of face” gene. So I got the widow’s peak going big time and yet I can grow noticeable stubble in 2 days and a full goatee in less than 2 weeks. But that’s good for me cause if I go bare faced it looks like my wife is robbing the cradle and I turn 30 this year. She made me promise to never go baby faced again.
Now I do agree with it being a double standard to a point but if I don’t shave I get lots of VERY noticeable stubble on my neck and I’m looked as being scruffy and unkempt so I do have to shave every other day or so, even when I have a full beard I still have to shave. Then there’s the whole thing of keeping the beard even and short enough that it doesn’t bother my wife when I kiss her, so there is a double standard to a degree but depending on the guys facial hair it may not be as uneven as some think. I live in the NW (Washington) and I know many women that don’t shave their legs most of the winter cause they wear pants all the time and have blonde leg hair so yeah it’s all about where you live and how your body works.
My boyfriend has the same kind of facial hair “problems.” I put that in quotes because I really prefer not-so-hairy guys so it’s pretty much perfect from my point of view.
I’ve got a few male Asian friends that complain about their stubble as well.. I always feel bad for them, but I agree…. You’ve got it better! If my husband didn’t look 10 years younger when he shaves, I’d make him lose the facial hair and stay on top of keeping the pokey ichy pain away…
Jeff, I quit trying long ago. When I was young, I had the same problem as you. Now, I’ve got not problem growing it, but it has a mind of it’s own. My mustache comes in like a half a dozen porcupine quills, so you can see it if you’re looking at me straight on. My beard grows in a counter-clockwise swirl and lazily disappears before it ever meets my sideburns. I still let it grow out of laziness when I don’t plan on leaving the house, but it gets shaved if I have to go out in public to teach or for an event (not just because I’m going to the grocery store or to grab a burger), mostly because the hairs on the left side of my face are increasingly WHITE.
My mum has often boasted that she can grow a better beard than my dad! I do remember when I was very young asking my father when he came home from work if he had shaved that day, because when he hugged or kissed me he was really scratchy.
Italians are SO HAIRY… It’s nothing to be proud of, honestly! I’m Italian… and I have to shave twice a day… don’t even get me started on my back hair!
8( Why did you have to mention your back?
The Cornfather and I are very much kindred spirits here. But fear not, sir, it’s not always about having the beard on the outside so long as you have the beard IN HERE. *pounds fist on heart*
I will bestow upon ‘bot my uncanny Mexican facial hair growing ability. I’m Mexican/Italian…double whammy! Pluck, bleach, threaten, and wax, but I am cursed. I’m so scared I’m going to look like some of those unfortunate bearded ladies that I’m quite religious about the upkeep.
Week and a half? I thought you were clean-shaven on Easter Sunday morning! That thing is going to take awhile.
Agree. Sadly, Asians wanting to grow facial hair are often limited in choice and when they do choose to take the plunge, it is often a sad experiment never to be duplicated. I can’t even grow a fu manchu, and I’m Chinese! Although, as you know, I am oddly “allergic” to many Chinese things, so perhaps my allergies carry over to traditional facial hair. And we won’t even talk about my failed soul patch experiment of 02. After a month or so, people were still trying to wipe what they thought was dirt off my chin. 🙁
Ha! Really funny, bot. And yes, very true. If I don’t shave by 10am, I’ll look like Santa. But when you sport the facial hair, it just makes you look like a toddler with a goatee. 😉 Great strip, man. As always.
Don’t feel bad. My ancestry is pure European (even a little bit of Viking in there), I’m almost 45, and I /still/ can’t grow a proper beard aside from in the “Van Dyke” area. These days I just do the chin goatee, because even my mustache is lame.
I… I think I love you, sir.
You do… there is no thinking involved. Ya just do.
I can’t grow a non patchy beard either. I did manage to grow a sweet handlebar mustache.
*Rubs chin scruff* I love my facial hair. I pretty much never shave because I don’t see the need to yet. If I can ever get my mustache and chin scruff to connect, I could grab a crowbar and run around as Gorden Freeman.(which would be awesome 🙂 ) I do know a guy with your facial hair problem and I also know a guy with Cornfather’s problem.
If it wasn’t for work, I’d let mine go for two weeks and snap a pic and send it to ya. xD
Don’t be sad JB, my Czech blood canceled out my northern European blood. So no big beard for me. my brother has a kick ass kings beard, so I have hope.King’s beard (a goatee with a point in the middle so it looks like a crown)
Hey there Bot… Been a while since I could get on here and comment. Lots of training going on. I’ve enjoyed the strips tho. The conclusion of the arcade storyline was fantastic. And I’ve liked all the rest as well.
What are you training for?
Deployment to Afghanistan
In that case I wish you good luck. Hope to still hear from you while you’re over there. 🙂
I will try, but I’m not sure if I’ll have internet access where I’ll be…I’m not even sure where I’ll be yet so I can’t say…in any case, we’re not leaving here until December.
Ah, the Internet: a place where stating that you have an ongoing problem gets you a steady stream of people who also have it, people who don’t think it’s a problem at all, braggarts, and sexists, rather than any offers of help.
Wow… That sounded way more jaded and harsh than I meant it, but you get the idea.
Anyway, my contribution is this: I had the same problem, (though from youth, not genetics, so this may or may not help) and managed to fix it.
Apparently my grandfather was in basic training for the US Air Force, and was told by a Drill Instructor, “YOU WILL SHAVE!!!” Supposedly, he mouthed off “Shave what?” and has had a very full beard ever since.
Between that story and the recommendation of a bandmate, I came up with this solution:
1) shove the electric shaver in a drawer somewhere, ideally not in the bathroom. While it cuts the hairs, it doesn’t cause razor-burn, which is a huge part of your body’s “decision” to grow hair.
2) don’t use shaving cream. Just keep your razor wet throughout the process and periodically splash your face. This is, of course, unless you absolutely suck at shaving with a blade (or 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, or I think Gilette may be coming out with a 9-bladed one? Jk). Even then, though, opt for a gel, rather than a more traditional foam aerosol.
3) find a cheap disposable you can tolerate. This process will eat blades faster than that stupid cuckoo eats cocoa puffs. While I joke at Gilette’s love of many-bladed razors, I do very much like the fusion. After going through an entire $20 replacement pack in two weeks though, I realized it was unrealistic. What I use now is a simple Gilette 2-blade with a blue plastic handle that comes in a 5-pack for (here, anyway) $1 at walmart.
4) this is the most important part. SHAVE TWICE EVERY DAY! It doesn’t matter if your face would make a newborn’s hindparts feel the need to run out and buy a razor, this is crucial. As I said, razor-burn, especially in small not-uncomfortable amounts, encourages hair-growth, so shave every morning and every night. Keep this up for awhile, and while you will outwardly appear to simply be clean-shaven as per usual, you will start to notice a scraping sound as hair begins to grow up, anxious to sacrifice itself in defense of your face.
The longer you keep this up, the thicker your facial hair will want to be. I only did it hardcore for a month and a half, but at the end of that I could have easily visible chin stubble after only two days.
Hopefully this helps.
Thumbs up. Especialy the first pargraph but I agree with the rest too.
Looks like I was beaten to telling him to shave constantly and without cream, heh!
Sonitan please dont kill me, but I do have nicely trimmed facial hair. It needs regular care but it looks good. Realy it does. What?! Its my face I can do whatever I want with it.
I have to say, I don’t mind facial hair as long as the other Harem Members have stated, it is kept clean and tidy. I hate hate HATE the billy goat look. It’s disgusting, not sexy and you aren’t going to get any looking like you escaped from a petting zoo so KNOCK IT OFF!
*blinks* ohhh shoes!
I don’t know why, but this is one of my favorites! I love it! Keep up the great work!
Facial hair, it only looks good on certain people
I found myself laughing on my way down a hall thinking about this comic page. nice one, (and about 5 or 6 people were looking at me oddly, but I will pretend that is a perk) it takes me about 4 days to get noticeable hair growth. But I prefer to keep smooth skinned, if only because last time I had a beard I kept itching it, and I ended up feeling like I had raw skin.
ive been working on a beard for about a year now… still trying
I had to comment on this one!
I’ve been reading for a long while now, but my boyfriend is Korean and this is hilarious to me. He can’t grow facial hair at all (which works in my favor) and when he “forgets” to shave the few scraggly creeperish hairs that do grow it looks as sporadic as that. lol
Neat thing about him, not sure about all asians in general, just a lack of “manly” hair. Like, no hairy chest or back or even the legs! Asians are a curiously smooth lot, I guess. ^.^
Well Welcome out of the lurker Shadows Beanie!
I have an almost-Van Dyke, though I try to keep it short (because long and bushy doesn’t suit me IMO). Only problem with my habit of keeping it short is that the two halves often aren’t completely connected… 😉
Love the rubbery face in the 2nd panel.
And Here I am the one who can grow a goatee overnight. If I don’t shave every morning, I look like the Cornfather there.