JEFBOT.437_Pushing Iton May 18, 2012 at 12:36 am
As many of you longtime readers know, jefbot – just like me – is unable to burp, so this isn’t the first time the Cornfather has tried to teach his buddy the ways of the belch. I recently had a conversation with someone who had the same affliction and, to my astonishment, he said he was able to cure himself by contracting his stomach muscles really hard and just pushing the burp up through his throat, sometimes painfully. Sadly – I’m not saying the outcome was the same as in the strip – but it didn’t work for me at all.
Here’s the series of “burp” strips from the past:
• JEFBOT.100_The Training Begins
• JEFBOT.102_A Lot of Hot Air
• JEFBOT.103_The Apothecary
I know I’ve put this question to you guys before, but: any burpologists out there that have any belching tips? Any burping stories I can live vicariously through are welcome, too.
But I thought jefBot was cured of his burplessness due to the hospital trip?
oh, if only it were that easy, Ryurei! while the trip to the hospital surely saved bot after being poisoned by his sister, Lor, it didn’t cure him of his burplessness, sadly.
but check you out: you just achieved the Shades of Firsting! congrats! wear them well – these shades will cover your embarassment should, uh, stuff come out the wrong end:
This probably won’t be something that you can use, but I too was burpless until I went on my first and only six-month patrol on a submarine. With changes of depth come changes in air pressure within the boat and you either burp (and fart) or you feel like exploding!
Now I have the opposite problem. Any carbonated drink, beer or Coke etc, and I just burp with no control. Luckily, I live alone.
so – assuming i can find access to a submarine – i’d have to decide between my current state of burplessness and a permanent condition of uncontrolled burping. hmmm… that’s quite the quandary, Jim!
This offends me! (a little) I burp all the time!
Here’s one trick though, however, it’s not real burping. I just know how to mimic the sound. (for when my buddies and I are bored.)
2.(don’t breath in yet) Try keeping your epiglottis/flap stopping things going down your throat closed.
3.Now inhale fast while still trying to keep it closed.
Took me half an hour to get it right! Warning:it gets you dizzy after a dozen attempts in a row.
i will try this later when i’m not at the office surrounded by coworkers, ShadowShuffler! fake-burping is better than no-burping. 🙂
I have no problems burping. Sadly it means it comes naturaly to me and I dont have any pointers for you.
dang it. i need pointers, Maryz!
Chug a 24-oz. diet Sprite, do a set of jumping jacks, and lean to the left from the waist while contracting your stomach and, um, clenching off other avenues of escape.
It may not work, but it will entertain your friends.
heh. unfortunately, with all that chugging, jumping and clenching, if your technique doesn’t work, i might just explode, Sarah W!
I did say it would be entertaining! 😀
Good Morning Botiverse.
Missed the last update, I had a case of the cooties! But I got rid of them and feel much better now.
Burping formula? Rootbeer! The better the quality the louder the burp. Whenever I do a pirate event, I get a huge rootbeer and chug it! Those burps are EPIC! And Dr. Pepper too.
Pixie Mom hates belching! So no extreme burping at Mom’s house. But sometimes you just can’t help it.
morning, Pixie! glad to hear you’re feeling better. cooties suck.
i do love root beer and dr. pepper, but even those don’t give me any burps, epic or otherwise, sadly. 🙁
Jefbot still can’t burp on command but now he can fart on command. Now he can join the ranks of Earthquake from “Samurai Shodown”, Chaos from “Primal Rage” and Sphinx from the movie “Mystery Men”.
ha! well, i don’t know about “on command,” Rainey, but i used to love Samurai Shodown, so being compared to Earthquake is awesome!
I learned how to make my self burp years ago. It’s not that hard once you get the hang of it. Then again, it helps if you can burp in the first place.
i’m afraid it’s probably something physiological, Fijiman, so i won’t ever be able to learn. sad.
YOur inability to burp is oddly terrifying.
terrifying and (at times) painful, Anime fan!
Is there anything classier than a fart joke? I think not.
Like I always say: “Gassy is classy!” 🙂
That should be on a t-shirt
heheh. you’ll rarely see a fart joke in JEFbot, 52pickup, but sometimes i just can’t help myself. (much like the actual act, itself!) 🙂
Oh, poor Jefbot. I’ve saved myself from a few bad cases of hiccups by burping them away (fortunately I was alone at the time…and my wife will never, ever hear about that).
Hopefully then she doesn’t read this comment section.
i didn’t even know burping away hiccups was a thing, Joe!
I may be the only one (I’ve never actually checked), but I SWEAR it works!
Nope, usually works for me too if I manage to do it in the first few hiccups (but as discovered in “hiccup science”, once you go past three hiccups, you’re likely to have around 11 or more, IIRC). I guess burping can sometimes remove whatever the esophageal irritation was that is causing the hiccups.
I have a 4 year old I can lend you, he loves showing people how to burp. He’s not mine, we just watch him on occasion, but he is ‘vewy dood’ at it…
well, if that 4 year old’s a good teacher, i might need to get some tips from him, Oz.
you are not alone
i am also incapable of burping
woo! *high five* jolt583!
i cant burp either. its called dysfunction of the belch reflex, but for some reason i am determined to burp. im going to try it this summer
Ha ha. I still enjoy a little middle school humor. I have no trouble burping, but I never learned to do it at will. My 7 yo daughter can and Taranchilla is jealous since he still can’t make himself burp. 😀
glad you still enjoy a little gassy humor, Shanna! i wish i could just burp, voluntarily or not. your 7 yo has me totally outclassed (and outgassed!) and at least you and Taranchilla can do it when your bodies feel it’s necessary.
My wife and I rate our burps on a scale from 1 to 10. The scale is based in loudness, duration, and smell. The other night she got a 9 for one, if there was any smell it would have been a 10. My wife is a burping pro, maybe she can help.
ewwwww! “smell,” TPC!? your scoring methods should dock points for bad smells, not add them! well, if your wife can help me, it’d be worth a shot. 🙂
After my cancer treatment, where they cut a chunk out of my esophagus and basically tied what was left back to my stomach I can’t burp either. Nor vomit, which is a bit of a bugger because it doesn’t stop my reflexes from trying if I’ve got a bug or eaten something dodgy, which results is massive muscle cramps and eventually burst blood vessels in and around my eyes. This is sub-optimal.
Of course, excess wind has to go *somewhere*…
i think you have me beat, Gaz Hunter, since i can vomit (though i can’t remember the last time i’ve done so.) now you’ve made me thankful i don’t have those cramps and burst blood vessels you have to deal with! “sub optimal” indeed.
and i know exactly where that “wind” ends up! 😉
I can’t believe that the cornfather has not led you to the zen of stomach breathing. It’s relatively simple. Since you are an actor, you should be able to do this quicker than most people.
1) recognize the breathing muscles.
2) apply that knowledge to your abdomen more than your chest.
3)a make a very slow swallow.
3)b when you feel your epiglottis move towards allowing your swallow to go to the esophagus, enlarge your throat to allow for the passage of a baseball (metaphorically speaking).
3)c when you have been able to keep your esophageal passage open, use your abdomen to breath in and out of your stomach.
4) when you take a breath in, relax your throat and just wait a bit.
5) do steps 3 – 4 again until you can calmly, CALMLY release that gas through your esophagus.
hey, i just went through your burping steps, Bl4ckw0lf, and i almost gagged! that’s progress, right!? i’ll try that again when i’m at home by myself. thanks! 🙂
I have the best success with root beer for you drinkable. The trick is slurping/gulping so air gets into your stomach along with the beverage. I stopped doing this for a while (I forgot how lol) and rediscovered it months later. Good luck to you!
seems root beer is the drink of choice for you burp-enabled peeps, IrvineDragoone! i’ll have to combine some of the techniques listed by some of the other commenters with that bubbly beverage.
Unable to burp? Um, well, not sure what to say here. Hope you learn how to some day.
Once again my computer or the site has forgotten me. I’m not Anonymous darn it!
i hope i learn how to, too, Anonym… um, GardeBlaze. 😉
After reading your comic I attempted to burp just to figure out the logistics of it.
The first thing I noticed was that I straightened up my back initially. I don’t know if you normally hunch over like you do in the comic, but try straightening up your back and pulling your shoulders back a bit. That should make it a bit easier to burp.
Next, I note that I move my lower jaw down and forward just a bit in order to open up the passage to the esophagus. Basically, move your jaw as though you’re about to make a “W” sound.
Finally, the tricky bit is relaxing the muscle in the esophagus that normally keeps the gas inside your stomach (the upper esophageal sphincter, located behind the adam’s apple, though it may feel as though it’s lower in the chest; my mental map says it’s behind my breastbone). This is easier if there is already a lot of pressure inside your stomach, though I guess it’s difficult if you’ve never done it before. Just try to mentally “find” the muscle that’s straining to keep the gas in, and tell it that it’s OK to let it out. (Yes, there are other muscles in the upper chest you can tense up to help push the belch out, but learning to relax the one holding the belch in comes first.)
So, drink a fizzy drink (the more pressure you feel, the easier this will be), then straighten up (shoulders back, maybe even puff your chest out a tiny bit), move your jaw into the “W” position, and then, instead of pushing the burp out, just try to relax the muscle keeping the burp in, and let the belch go free!
Note: If aren’t using to burping you may feel a little bit like you’re going to throw up at first when you start belching if you’re doing it right, but unless you’re doing this on a full stomach, in space, or while not sitting upright, that shouldn’t happen. Basically, don’t stop early if that’s what you’re worried about. Once you learn to burp you’ll also be able to recognize the difference between the two sensations (there’s little to no sharp acidic sensation in the esophagus after a nice clean belch).
Let me know if that works. 🙂
Addendum: One belch later, and I noticed I move my jaw while simultaneously relaxing to let the belch out. So, you might try “pumping” the jaw up and down a bit while trying to release the burp. Basically, you use the movement of the jaw and jaw muscles to help open the esophagus so the gas can escape.
I feel like I’m writing a treatise on belching now, but one more note.
I noticed in the comic that you’re making the “Hnnaahhnnngg!” noise while attempting this. Basically, if you’re exhaling while attempting to burp, it won’t work. The larynx has to be closed so the outflow from the stomach so it doesn’t end up in the lungs. This means that you shouldn’t be making any noises while attempting to burp, because if you are that means that your throat will be in the wrong shape.
Try to close your throat in a way that air can’t come out of your lungs while attempting to burp. That way the only air coming out of your throat will be the gas coming up from your esophagus.
Whew. Who knew belching was so complicated?
It’s the E-How of belching!
good to know! i almost always vocalize when trying to burp.
wow, thanks for the detailed step-by-step, HiEv! i’ve gotten some great tips from you readers, and i’ll definitely be giving all these instructions a try when i have a bit of alone time, soon.
gave your steps a quick try – while i definitely feel the “pressure” i can’t seem to find the muscle straining to keep it in. hmm… that might be the problem. maybe i have no control over that! grrr… definitely feels like i’m about to throw up, though, so that’s probably a good first step.
i’ll keep trying!
I love these call-backs to previous plots! They bring back so many great memories…
thanks, Soul Man! the “burp” strips will continue to recur until i become burp-enabled!
I’ll never understand your lacking ability to burp. Its really easy, even when you don’t drink anything. You can have mine though, I have the occasional man burps. Not very lady like. (‘:
well, maybe you can teach me some of your “man burp” techniques the next time i see you, Nat.
Heh! Well, I have no great insights; I’ve always been able to burp as I choose. But it amuses me when someone has to deal with something like that.
i must learn the ancient, burping secrets, T! you being able to “burp as you choose” mocks my inefficiencies!
As they say… better out than in right?
i wouldn’t know, Jiro. well, at least not from a burping perspective. 😉
I love the Phoenix Comicon banner. Unfortunately, I won’t be going again. 🙁 I was the only one who really wanted to go, and I’m not going to just go by myself.
awwwwww… i need to bribe Taranchilla so he’ll want to go, and then you can both make it to the convention, Shanna! 😉
hopefully, we’ll meet at a convention near you someday. then you can give me a peek at your mystic yarn talents!